The Un-Amazing Motorcycle Ride

GameflyThe other night my husband and I were watching TV when this “How to be Amazing” Gamefly commercial came on. I like this commercial. It’s funny and I like the music. I also like the first “don’t do this” where the guy gets on the back of the scooter and bends his legs back instead of putting them on the pegs. This scene had me rolling in laughter. I was laughing because I’ve done this. I am not amazing.

I was in high school, my girlfriend had just gone for a motorcycle ride with one of our guy friends and it was my turn. I was a little nervous, I knew my parents would kill me if they found out and I’d never been on a motorcycle before but I was going anyway.

Let me set the stage: this is happening in front of a bunch of friends. Everyone is hanging out at the “docks” (basically a park by the river where everyone would park their cars and hang out or drive by and see who was hanging out), we were listening to music, some are playing hacky sack and I’m sure some were drinking beers. So everyone is being cool. I think I’m being cool. As I hop my coolness onto the back of the bike the thoughts in my head go something like this:

This is gonna be great.

Wow, this helmet is a little big.

And heavy.

Hmmmm, why does this seat make me lean forward so much?

Am I supposed to be leaning against Andy’s back like this? This doesn’t seem right.

I’ll just wrap my arms around his waist. This should be fine. And not look weird. My leaning and hugging probably looks normal. I’m sure Kathy did this too, I just didn’t notice.

What do I do with my legs? Am I supposed to let them hang? That doesn’t seem right. I don’t want to burn my leg on the exhaust. I must have to pick them up. How do I do that? How am I supposed to hold my legs up? I’ll just bend them. (So picture this, my legs hanging straight down, bent at the knee so my lower leg is parallel to the ground. Just like the guy in the video – but he looks way more amazing, mainly because he’s not also leaning forward with a death grip on the driver.)

And off we go. I remember nothing of this ride. Not a thing. No exhilaration at breaking the rules, no wind against my skin, no thrill of the open road. I’m not even sure exactly how long it lasted, maybe 5 minutes or maybe 20. What I do know is that it couldn’t have been too long because it’s not easy to maintain an unsupported hamstring curl, in both legs, while on the back of a motorcycle.

Once the ride is over and we’ve pulled back up to the group, I’m exhausted. No joke. My legs are shaking, my neck hurts from that heavy, heavy helmet, and my back aches from arching it the whole time so I’m not bouncing my face off Andy’s back. Oh I was miserable, achy and tired and so, so thankful to be done.

When I finally peeled myself off Andy and the bike all I can hear is laughter. Loud laughter. Belly aching laughter from my good friend Kathy. Want to know what was so funny? I certainly did. She said, “Why did you do that with your legs? Did you really hold them up like that the whole time?”

Me. Getting pissed. “Yes…what’s wrong with that?”

Her: Why didn’t you just put them on the pegs like you’re supposed to?

“Pegs? Pegs!! I didn’t see any f*(%ing Pegs!! And why didn’t you tell me? And why are you laughing SO HARD? Really? There are pegs?!?”

Those last statements happened “on the inside.”

What I actually said was, “huh, pegs? I don’t know. It’s cool.”

Clearly it was not cool. Not even remotely.

And it definitely was not amazing.

24 Comments

  1. Oh that is too funny!!! I wouldn’t know there were pegs either. I’m trying to get a mental picture in my head because I haven’t seen that commercial…I don’t even know how you pulled it off! Funny, the things we do!!

  2. LMAO! Too funny! And the sad thing is…I’ve done that, too!

  3. AprilGunnarshaugMirabito

    That is hilarious!!  I had tears of laughter running down my face after reading that!  Because, sadly, my first motorcycle ride went much the same way…helmets bonking, I think I hooked my feet behind me on the seat, having to ‘hold’ my sister’s boyfriend (he: 19, me: 13) around the waist…awkard!!  Learning curves aren’t just for the motorcycle driver, they’re for the passenger too, I guess.

  4. Sounds exactly like something I would do!  I’ve given up trying to appear cool, it’s an illusion I cannot maintain! 🙂

  5. you are amazing in my eyes!  thanks for the laugh- I really needed that!!

  6. Too funny! You’ve got a great way of expressing yourself. Keep on blogging!

  7. I was already laughing, but the “difficulty of holding an unsupported hamstring curl” made me laugh so hard, I woke up the dog. OMG…SO FUNNY!!! Fantastic!!

    • TheDoseofReality Thank you! That was one of my favorite lines, too. And, I’m glad I could return the favor, I read your blog all the time and find you both hilarious!! Thanks for checking out my first attempt at “funny”!

  8. LOL! Don’t you hate it when your tryin to be all cool and it turns out you made abutt of yourself? I can’t even cout the amount of times I’ve done that.
    I bet your jamstrings looked great for days!

  9. {Melinda} Totally sounds like something I would do. I provide much hilarity for my teenage daughter with my awkwardness! 😉

    • My kids aren’t quite teens yet but I’m starting to get the eye roll already. What they don’t realize is that I’m not trying to prove I’m cool anymore, I’d rather laugh!

  10. Pingback: The Un-Amazing Motorcycle Ride - "So, I've...

  11. Oh man! I’ve had many a moment like that. Thankfully, not on the back of a motorcycle. Nope, I was riding it all by myself. 🙂 In front of a lot of hot guys. And crashed. I don’t know what hurt worse, my body or my pride. Oh well…you live and learn, right? 😀

    Thank you for linking up with the Humor Me! Blog Hop!!!

  12. That could have totally happened to me. I’d overexamine everything that was going on but miss something obvious like the place to put my feet. Thank you sharing this with us at the Humor Me Blog Hop!

  13. Hahaha! The pegs are for your feet so that you don’t burn them on the exhaust! Thanks for sharing this story, it gave me a good laugh at work today.

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