As I was saying…
If you want to take great photos of fireworks…
Wait. What? At the end of January?
So, it’s been a while. I took a break. A long break. Actually, I went on vacation right after writing that last post and instead of writing as I had planned, I stopped.
I needed to.
My brain was full.
My thoughts were not nice. I was scattered and stressed.
I felt like I was competing but wasn’t sure why. Or against whom. I was overwhelmed with looking at my numbers and interactions. My posts and likes and tweets. My followers and comments and visitors were always on my mind.
I was so worried about writing the wrong thing or making a mistake or not getting enough feedback I discovered I couldn’t write anything. Any idea I had, I would talk myself out of. Each potential topic was stupid, boring, done before or I didn’t have enough expertise or qualifications to write about certain things. Which then became everything.
Then I couldn’t write about anything.
Not that I didn’t constantly think about writing. Not that I didn’t have blogging friends and local friends reaching out and encouraging me to write. While I appreciated the encouragement, I was stuck.
I read once that sometimes procrastination is caused by the fear of not being perfect. Maybe that’s part of what was happening. As I read more bloggers I couldn’t help but compare myself and my writing to theirs.
As much as I was moved by their words, I was also stepping back, listening to that judgmental voice, saved only for me, that kept telling me, “You aren’t good enough to do this.”
I’d love to say I’ve stopped listening, that I don’t hear it anymore.
But I do. I’m trying to quiet it. I’m going to write anyway. What I’m not going to do is be stressed over it. Over the voice, the numbers, the comparisons. If I write and I’m the only one to read it – then that’s how it goes. The most important thing for me is to find the joy in writing again. To find the peace it offers and enjoy the friendships it brings me.
Thank you to each of you who reached out and gave me encouragement and let me know you are still here.
I know I’m not alone and everyone has their own way of dealing with self-doubt and negative self-talk. What do you do when it becomes too much? How do you shut off that miserable voice? I’d love to hear how you handle it.